** This post was first shared on my Instagram but it got such a reaction that I decided to share here on my blog**
“OMG it’s not crap!
(Aka Holy ***my debut just won award # 7!)
That first line was my reaction in 2017, when this novel reached the finals in the Rising Star, an award by Women’s Fiction Writers Association for unpublished novels.
I even wrote a blog past back then about Why Awards Matter to Debut Writers.
And honestly, it’s still part of my reaction now, like yesterday when I learned that The Exit Strategy was chosen as the overall winner in the National Indie Excellence Awards - women’s fiction category.
You see, as a writer, those accolades, the “yes” if you wish, are so much less numerous than the “no”s this book (or I’d imagine any book) receives. And it’s a question of willpower to keep your focus on the yes and not let the “ no”pull you into an all too familiar spiral of self doubt.
As an example here’s a few “no” s this book has received:
* In that first award in 2017 (judged by agents), there were 5 finalists. The other 4 writers signed agents right after. I was disappointed when I received no offers - was my work not good enough?
* When querying this book had 130+ more agent rejections (it came to market without an agent when @thewildrosepress decided to believe in it- and I’m grateful for how they helped polish it to a shine).
* It’s been rejected 5 times for a US @bookbub which is the one thing that might have propelled this book to potential USA TODAY best seller status.
* Lately, I’ve been filling my own head full of “no”s and “nots” : I’m NOT writing every day, I’m NO real writer like my debut author friends who are already on book 2-3-4. I’m NOT going to finish my own book two in a reasonable timeline... (it might take years from here).
Why share all of that? Because I want other writers when they roll their eyes with me saying this is award #7 (like what???) to know I too am frequently racked with self doubt, and there will always be nos on the way to yes.
Honestly, the narrative inside my own head is that I don’t believe I’m a very good writer, or that it comes naturally. I mean can it really be THIS MUCH WORK for everyone? Logically I know it is - but man , that “you’re a fraud” banshee (who I wrote about in a blog post about why I hate the term aspiring writer), is dang strong isn’t she?
That why I love this quote recently shared by a writer I admire — as much for her resiliency and the community building- as her talented writing — @lauradrakebooks
And I’m grateful to writers like @sabrinamscott who’ve taught me recently that massive self-doubt is not a mandatory party of the process. Who knew? (Not me apparently!)
Hugs, yours in gratitude,
Lainey